7 Ways to Make People Avoid You
We can help with things that feel too small to talk about- like getting along with others. Please, reach out to us to schedule an appointment.
Her posts get so many likes. People seem to really enjoy her company. She is respected at work, and always seems to have plenty of friends to go out with after hours. She always gets chosen to lead projects, and others volunteer to work with her. What is it about some people that makes them so good at connecting and networking, while others seem to struggle?
The ability to connect with others, demonstrating compassion, sensitivity, and a true interest in their interests, is a rare skill and a valuable component of emotional intelligence. Those that are good at it can put others at ease, build rapport, and seem to attract new friends/contacts/clients without much effort. They are good listeners. Truth is, they have most likely put a lot of effort into becoming more self-aware and 'other-aware' -- tuning into the wants, needs, and desires of the person across from them and responding accordingly.
Those that lack interpersonal effectiveness tend to come across as selfish, arrogant, or a little 'rough on the edges’. They are often negative and say things like, “I don’t need people to like me as long as they respect me.” They don’t get along with others well and no one wants to partner up with them on projects. They find fault with others and tend to complain. Yet, so often, they remain unaware that their behavior has anything to do with their ability to build connections, and often wonder why others avoid them.
Here are 7 ways you can make others want to avoid you in professional and personal settings:
Tell others how great you and/or your company/product is before they ask. As soon as the introductions are over, be the first one to start talking about your accomplishments, or how great your company and products are and how everyone within earshot desperately needs what you sell/do, before you've even assessed if those in the conversation are interested or not. Give a lot of unasked for advice. Be sure to use the phrase "you should" often.
Don't look people in the eyes while you're talking. Be sure to look 'out there' as you talk, as if your inspiration is coming from some far-away land of enchantment. If you look people in the eyes, you might notice they aren't listening and you'd have to adjust...yikes! In fact, just avoid eye contact in all circumstances.
Don't ask questions. A great way to make people want to avoid you is to only talk about yourself and your company, and never ask them questions about theirs. Remember, what you have to say is far more important than what they possibly could come up with, and this event is all about marketing yourself, right? If you express a genuine interest in them, they might start telling you about what they do, and you don't want that!
When others begin to share, don't pay attention. Get out your phone, send a quick text, glance at those around you, notice the important person who just walked by, and by all means be thinking about what you're going to say next. Don't nod as they speak and never, ever ask them for more details so you can better understand what they do. If it seems like they're going to talk for more than five minutes, excuse yourself to go get that second cup of coffee.
Bore them with details. It's best you dive quickly and deeply into the intricate details of how your company was formed, why it was formed, the levels of training you've received, how many clients you have and the names of all of your branch office locations. Use a lot of acronyms. Tell them about the day when your WiFi crashed and how you had to call the IT team and work with them for hours on the phone to get things resolved, making sure to share the ins and outs of the support call. Don't check in during your stories to see if people are interested and/or listening. Just keep talking! Remember everyone in your conversation circle came to the event just to hear about you. A good rule of thumb: Talk for 20+ minutes at a time without pausing or allowing others to chime in.
Brag! Tell others about every accomplishment for which you've been awarded, how far-reaching your clientele base is, how many times you've been published in the newspaper and featured on the local news. Tell them how your product is far better than anything your competitors produce be sure to throw out little masked insults toward other companies, so they know that yours is superior
Only talk about your work. Don't try to get to know people on a personal level first and don't share any personal details about who you are (vs. what you do). If you ask about their families, or what they do in their spare time, or if they love what they do, or if they are currently struggling through any personal issues, you might start to connect with them on a human level. And don't try to find things outside of work that you have in common, whether it be a shared interest in a sport, or a musical group, or a favorite vacation destination. Remember that connecting to people on a personal level might require a relationship rather than just being able to hand them your business card and be done with them.
A lack of self-awareness and other awareness can go a long way -- at least make people go a long way -- away from you! Need some help? Approaching friends and colleagues with a mindset of truly getting to know them may be a good place to start. Work on your listening skills and learn how to ask rich, open-ended questions – then listen to the answers. Tune in next time to how you're coming across and if possible, start making some shifts toward a more emotionally-intelligent approach for more successful and rewarding connections.
“Treat each event you attend and each person that you meet as if it were an appointment with your one of your best clients -- even if you are meeting that person for the very first time.” --Timothy M. Houston
