Question Series. Week Two.
Question:
Our family is going through a big transition as our teenager prepares to leave for college. How do we support them emotionally and practically during this pivotal time?
Transitions can be really challenging for families. It can be helpful to create an open dialogue about how each person feels about the change. This space should clearly communicate that it is okay to have a variety of feelings. The feelings may range from sad to happy. A child could be happy because now they can get into the bathroom in the morning. That can be true while they are also sad about the departure. Maybe a child will have more access to the X-Box now. These conflicting feelings can be confusing. This type of change can also be harder and confusing for the littles. There may be a fear that if they leave, they won’t be coming back. Holding space for conversations and space for feelings goes a long way to absorb the bumps in a transition.
It can also be true that tension can be very high before a departure because the person leaving may have complex emotions ranging from not wanting to go but also mixed with excitement. This high energy can manifest in unpleasant behavior such as rule-breaking, angry outbursts, and disrespect. Often, this is because the one launching is beginning to realize they are entering a time of more independence and power. This can exciting while truly terrifying.
Parents can also struggle with a variety of feelings, from loss to guilt. Loss can manifest in the experience that they are not ready for their child to go to college. Grief can be found in regretting what you weren’t able to do and now it is too late. These are all normal parts of growing pains. Some of this can also trigger the parent’s unresolved conflict with their family of origin.
As often as you are able, be gentle with the transition, choose grace, and know this is a normal transition. If things seem rather confusing, marriage and family therapists can be an ideal assist in this time of transition. Transition can bring up emotionally confusing material that has historically been nicely organized and filed away. We are only a phone call away and happy to help.
